Free Internet Marketing Lessons
How To Fail Quickly
At Internet Marketing
On Your Very
First Try!!!
by Ron
Knowlton
In the
coming year you may be thinking about going in a
new and completely different direction! Many
have already chosen to follow this strange and
inviting path! Here are 10 ideas to help you to
fail quickly at internet marketing on your very
first try!
1) Don't bother submitting to the search
engines! Let them find you! Why not, their job
is to find new sites and catalog them so that
others can come and have a look. They'll get to
your site soon enough - maybe in a month, maybe
a year. Maybe longer. But those search engine
robots and spiders will attempt to find you! And
when they do, your site will be listed somewhere
within the first 200 pages using your desired
keywords! Good enough for the really serious web
surfer to find your site!
2) Don't track your advertising! Run the same
old ad over and over again in the same place. It
doesn't matter that only one person responded
with a serious inquiry last month! The ad must
be effective! It's still running on the free
classified ad sites, isn't it? And of course,
you've noticed that the number of emails you
receive each day has quadrupled. Of course most
of those emails are just selling get rich quick
schemes and aren't interested in your product at
all! But still, you're getting some response! So
your campaign must be successful!
3) Join multiple banner exchange programs. Make
sure there are many banners on your site! Then
when people arrive, they can quickly pick and
choose which banner they like best and click
away - leaving your sales copy far behind! And
for those who don't like to wait for all of
those graphics to download - be patient - the
really serious ones will stick it out and wait
to see your web site masterpiece!
4) Make sure you use a fancy background! Try
this one - pink polka dots on a purple
background. Put your sales copy in little white
lettering and make sure it scrolls across the
page as your web site visitor attempts to read
it! I say "attempts" because soon
they'll be overcome by eyestrain - clicking away
before they even realize what you were trying to
tell them! No matter. Your site looks cool,
anyway - it doesn't matter that it's hard to
read your web site copy!
5) Don't worry about adding new content to your
site! Just put your site together and forget
about it! People will surely find your site
pleasant enough! It doesn't matter that your hit
counter seems stuck on "15" (13 of
those visits - yours - the rest from a loyal
friend and from your spouse, of course!). It
doesn't matter that the search engines love
content-rich sites and so do web surfers, who
quickly find these sites and bookmark them!
Forget adding anything new to your site for at
least another year or two!
6) Don't bother answering email for several days
(or weeks). Afterall, if people are really
serious about buying, they'll make a prompt
decision and use their credit cards - never
bothering you with their silly questions and
comments! Who cares, anyway, if sales are lost
and people start to wonder if you're running a
scam and they no longer trust or believe you!
Maybe they'll buy anyway!
7) Don't bother publishing an ezine. It's too
much hassle. It will take so much of your time!
And that subscriber base - it will take months
to build it to any size at all - to where you
can start charging for advertising! Let someone
else make money this way - with a loyal list of
subscribers - building trust and confidence -
and selling their front end and back end
products! Who needs a long list of names to deal
with on a monthly basis! You can save a lot of
time by just skipping this step altogether!
8) Get a free website that allows your web host
to open a new browser window advertising their
service every time someone visits your site.
This browser window should refresh every few
seconds - so your web site visitor can't get rid
of it by simply clicking it away - it keeps
coming back. This will annoy many of your
visitors. Others will see the new window and
focus on your web host's message - leaving your
message far behind! And still others will
realize that your site is a free site - and
perceive that you're really not very serious
about doing business on the internet anyway and
- you guessed it - click away and be gone!
9) Purchase one of those disks advertised in an
email you got the other day. You know the one -
it offers 1 million email addresses and claims
the list has been cleaned and is ready for your
use. You get the disk for only $29.95. What a
deal! Then you start sending out your sales
message. Soon the orders start to come in. Next
come the flames and email bombs and finally a
friendly note from your internet service
provider informing you that your account has
been "temporarily" placed on hold,
while they research email problems on your
account! And next you discover that your name
and business are listed as spammers on several
prominent anti-spamming sites. And then, of
course, you're faced with cleaning up this whole
mess! What fun!
10) Add music! How about this: "The Theme
From The Twilight Zone"! Why not? Web site
visitors will think they have arrived there
anyway! Who cares if a few (lacking in taste)
leave because they don't like your taste in
music! The smart ones will realize it's cool and
stay and buy anyway!
So - in the coming year - if you really want to
go in a completely new and different direction -
you can try the course I've just outlined. Of
course I can't guarantee that you'll completely
fail at internet marketing (or even quickly) -
but you'll be well on your way!!!
___________________________________________
Ron Knowlton is a
former
journalist
and the founding editor at <http://www.soaringprofits.c
om/>
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